Speedy Reg Director Announces Retirement

This has come rather out of the blue, we certainly weren’t expecting our Director Des to announce his retirement today! We’ll be sad to see him go, but we wish him well for his future venture and we totally understand his reasons for making this huge change to his life as he’s been offered a unique opportunity that he simply couldn’t refuse.
Des has always been the caring type, and so next week he will be travelling to Finland to help run a porcupine sanctuary. Des has always had a soft spot for porcupines so this really comes as no surprise. His desk is covered in cuddly porcupine toys and porcupine ornaments. A desk that I’m eyeing up for myself actually. Des has always had the best seat in the office, the comfiest chair and I’m going to pounce on it as soon as he’s left the building and I’ll fight anyone who tries to stop me.  I deserve this.

With this news coming so suddenly, we haven’t even had time to put together a farewell party, so we’ll be spending this afternoon making him an origami carriage clock and writing a hasty speech about how much we’re going to miss him. Yes, we’ll miss him demanding we make him a cup of coffee first thing in the morning, and all that constant nagging. But our loss is the porcupine’s gain.

Des issued us with the following statement earlier today…

“I’m sick of the sight of the lot of you, we’ve all been stuck in this office together for decades now and I want to be free to run wild in the hills of Finland and cuddle the porcupines. License plates just aren’t spiky enough for me these days so I’m giving it all up.”